Big Love, Big Loss, Big Hurt

I don't know who said this, but this is how I live and will continue to live...

"Better to have loved and to have lost,

than to not have loved at all".

Phone rings at 9:15 ish

"Wonder who that is calling after 9?"

(this can't be good)

"Hello?"

(it's my girlfriend, Gina)

"Hi Jan, are you on your computer?"

"No, I'm working on my talk for Wednesday"

"Are you sitting down?"

(uh oh, this can't be good)

"Yes, what's going on?"

"Joan Horner passed away today"

cricket...

( in Janet-eese, it means "silence")

cricket...

Gina was completely silent...

I began sobbing uncontrollably..

Gina gave me the rest of the details...she passed peacefully from heart failure,

in lieu of flowers....

the memorial service...

the family asks....

My dear friend Joan,

I will miss you more than I can express.

Thank you for being a Godly Mentor, Model and Friend.

I am so lucky that I got to know her,

work with her,

laugh with her and

love her.

She will be deeply missed, by me and others all over the world.

-another hole in my heart-

more pain

more hurt

more tears

but I Am so very grateful....

and would jump at the opportunity AGAIN

to know this woman...

"Better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all..."

She is with God- beyond a shadow of a doubt-

in His presence

in His arms

in His LOVE

"I am the way and the TRUTH and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father except through me"

John 14:6

God is a Comedian...

I'm speaking next week to a MOPS group that I have visited for the last 2 years.

This year, they had one small request.

"Janet, we would LOVE to have you back (maybe she didn't say "LOVE" in bold letters, but she did say, "love"), but can you do us a favor?

Uh oh.

"Sure, anything- what do you need?" (always here to please...)

"would you mind speaking on Organization?"

"Uh....okay", was my response.

"GREAT! Thank you so much, how about this date....time, etc".

Uh oh.

For any of you out there in Blog-Land who don't know me...

I'm not the most organized person.

I'm hardly organized..

God is a Comedian...

seriously?

Me???

Seriously?

I have stacks of papers in my office right now

(still there from when I spoke w/her 2 months ago!)

I'm so dis-organized that my kids are trained to put their hands up when they open the cupboards in case something comes falling out...

I'm so disorganized that when I try to file something or put something where it should be,

I CAN"T FIND IT!!!!!!

In fact...

"It sucks to be me ( as Nacho would say) speaking on Organization", was my first thought, embarrassingly so...

Then I heard a still, small voice....

It's not YOU...it's ME, speaking through you...

My heart is the vessel HE uses to encourage these women...

My mouth is the vessel used to present the message HE wants to present...

My disorganized mind is somehow used to focus on what HE thinks is important to communicate...

My body is a puppet HE uses while I attempt to step aside...

I am the vehicle HE uses to reach those Mommies, HIS Mommies...

It's all HIM...

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same SPIRIT. There are different kinds of service, but the same LORD. There are different kinds of working, but the same GOD works all of them in all people.

Now to each one the manifestation of the SPIRIT is given for the common good."

All these are the work of one and the same SPIRIT."

1Corinthians 12:4-7, 11

It does NOT "suck to be me", in fact, I am honored, blessed and humbled that HE would use me in this way...

sometimes confused,(me LORD? Seriously?)

but alas still honored!

And I know, that God will provide me with

WHAT to say,

AND

HOW to say it.

"My GRACE is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I AM WEAK,

then I AM STRONG."

2Corinthians 12:9-10

I'll let you know how it goes!

Trusting In HIM,

Janet