Big Love, Big Loss, Big Hurt

I don't know who said this, but this is how I live and will continue to live...

"Better to have loved and to have lost,

than to not have loved at all".

Phone rings at 9:15 ish

"Wonder who that is calling after 9?"

(this can't be good)

"Hello?"

(it's my girlfriend, Gina)

"Hi Jan, are you on your computer?"

"No, I'm working on my talk for Wednesday"

"Are you sitting down?"

(uh oh, this can't be good)

"Yes, what's going on?"

"Joan Horner passed away today"

cricket...

( in Janet-eese, it means "silence")

cricket...

Gina was completely silent...

I began sobbing uncontrollably..

Gina gave me the rest of the details...she passed peacefully from heart failure,

in lieu of flowers....

the memorial service...

the family asks....

My dear friend Joan,

I will miss you more than I can express.

Thank you for being a Godly Mentor, Model and Friend.

I am so lucky that I got to know her,

work with her,

laugh with her and

love her.

She will be deeply missed, by me and others all over the world.

-another hole in my heart-

more pain

more hurt

more tears

but I Am so very grateful....

and would jump at the opportunity AGAIN

to know this woman...

"Better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all..."

She is with God- beyond a shadow of a doubt-

in His presence

in His arms

in His LOVE

"I am the way and the TRUTH and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father except through me"

John 14:6

........................HOPE

I saw a physical sign of HOPE in my front yard.
We have lived in this home for over 4 years and there is this one spot in our yard that has dirt, always had dirt and probably always will.....the sprinkler must just miss it by overshooting it or undershooting it.
Last week as I pulled into the driveway I saw something that surprised me....in the middle of this dirt patch was a very cute, sunflower standing up as straight as can be, all by itself.......in the midst of that dirt!!!

Do you feel like your life is "stuck in the dirt" sometimes? I know I feel that way occasionally, okay, more than that since I'm being honest. Sometimes I can look around and not notice all the blessings God has given me, I can feel sorry for myself or self consumed with WHATEVER I can come up with in my head at any moment...but in the midst of it all....there is HOPE...there is GOD!

GOD has promised you and me HOPE...
* HE will comfort us when we are feeling isolated like that flower, Psalm 23:4 "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me"
* HE will protect us when we are vulnerable to the world, 2Thes:3:3 "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."
*HE will never leave us even when we don't SEE HIM there, Hebrews 13:5..."Never will I leave you:never will I forsake you"
*HE will quench our thirst, when the world leaves us dry..... John 4:14 "but whoever drinks the water I give her will never thirst."

Psalm 62:5
"Find rest, O my soul, in GOD alone;
my HOPE comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress,
I will not be shaken."

I am so at peace that I can have HOPE in the LORD: MY COMFORTER, MY PROTECTOR, MY STRENGTH and the WELL of LIFE.
Thank you father for being there for me whenever I need you, wherever I need you for whatever I need~
Let's HOPE in the LORD today!

..............................Comfort from GOD

I had the pleasure of speaking with the MOPS group at Yorba Linda Presbyterian Church last Wednesday night. God is so GOOD!
I have to admit that I wasn't as prepared as usual since we changed the topic at the last minute. I felt a little insecure (I always do, but more than usual) since I didn't have as much time reviewing my talk, but I knew I had to lay that down at the lord's feet and TRUST in HIM...
.
My whole reason for speaking at MOPS is to encourage, spur on and cheer on these Moms. GOD is FAITHFUL and DEPENDABLE!
In spite of myself, he uses me. I show up and there is a puppet show that goes on with the LORD being the puppeteer... have you ever felt like that? If not, it is strange and sometimes I don't even remember what I said at the end of the talk.....
I was personally touched by one mom's vulnerability and tears. She was craving friendship- deeper friendships.
Life is hard, even with the loving God we have, can I hear an "AMEN"? I don't believe that being a Christian means that all of a sudden, everything comes to us, things are easy and we are abundantly blessed in every area of our life....on the contrary. When we say "YES" to the Lord, we give HIM permission to work in us and through us and many times that means growth....and growth hurts. It may mean having a time, a long, long time in the desert so that we learn to depend on him and not others for whatever our needs have been...it may also not be temporary, but a lifetime challenge that we will be facing on a daily basis.
What has helped me get through the HUGE LOSS of a friend and father has been my faith, my hope and my surrender to the one who made me. I can't rest in my dad's arms anymore, but I have a Father in heaven who holds me with his ever encompassing arms to reassure me and love me:

The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastres,
he leads me to quiet waters,
HE RESTORES MY SOUL.
Psalm 23 goes on...
Your rod and your staff they comfort me....

No one has been able to comfort me, not my husband, friends, shopping, eating, exercise, nothing, except when I finally surrendered my hurt in my heart to HIM.

I hope you find comfort today, wherever you are, in whatever you are doing, with knowledge that God, our Father, loves you, wants to embrace you, lead you and comfort you.